I'm Not GAY!
by xFearxOfxDeathx
Summary: Itachi isn't gay! So why is Kisame singing these damn songs to him? I suck at summaries and titles o.o yay! Oneshot


It was just another ordinary day in the Akatsuki lair. Pein was plotting mass-destruction, Tobi was bothering Deidara, Zetsu was fighting with himself and everyone else was off doing devious stuff. But today, was Itachi's day off. He planned to spend it painting his nails, avoiding Tobi, thinking of more ways to ruin Sasuke's life oh, and he was going to read that new book he'd purchased. And the best part of all? Kisame was off killing people! Yay! He wouldn't bother him. Thank-evil-gods!

So, claiming his favorite chair, he took out his book and starting reading. _Killing your clan and 101 other ways to annoy your little brothe_r. Ahh.. How could his day get any better?

Suddenly, footsteps and voices could be heard. Itachi ignored them and kept reading his book. #12; kidnap his girlfriend and make sure she gets Stockholm syndrome. That might work… He mulled over this for a while, before someone yelled out his name.

"Itachi!"

Itachi flicked his head around and was met with, guess who? The so called fish-man who was supposedly out killing people.

"Kisame." He promptly went back to reading his book.

"Oh oh! Itachi, you'll never guess what happened while I was out killing people!" he began with all the excitement of a child at Christmas. "This guy, yeah, this guy, right, he was like staring at me! And he was talking to me and yeah, and get this Itachi!" He paused, took a big breath and tried to make it sound dramatic. "I think he was coming on to me Itachi! I think he though I.Was.Gay" Kisame laughed. "Isn't that funny? So then I chopped him in half! Awesome right?"

"Yeah.. okay, can I keep reading now?" _Way #15 kill his puppy and make him re-live it 100 times. _

"But It-achi! He thought I was gay! Isn't that something?"

"Yeah, sure, and so why the hell are you telling me this? I don't care? Why SHOULD I care? Seriously, Kisame. Go tell Tobi or something."

"Oh you don't have to get all upset Itachi.. I just think we should be able to talk about things like this, being partners and all.."

"I'm not upset! Really! I'm just trying to read, I don't need to know about some gay guy! Go tell Deidara, he's gay. Go, shoo." He was a 'shoo-ing' motion with his hands and Kisame frowned.  
"B-but itachiiiii…"

"Shut up Kisame! This conversation is over! Finished! Done!" He went back to his book. _#21, find some way to get him to switch bodies with his rival. _

Kisame frowned. "But.._." _

"I said over damnit!"

"Okay.. but Itachi, just in case.. you know.." Kisame bit his lip.

"If you were gay Itachi, that'd be okaaayyyy.. because hey! I'd like you anyway.."

Itachi rolled his eyes and went back to his book.

Kisame suddenly burst into song. "Becausseee you seeeee, if it were meeee, I would feel free to say that I was gay!" He paused. "But I'm not gay!"

"Kisame! Shutup! I'm reading damnit!"

Kisame shot him a pointed look. "Whattt…?"

He burst back into song. "If you were queerrrrr"

"Kisame! God!"

"I'd still be here! Year after year! 'cuz you're so dear to me!"

"I'm not gay! GOD! And you'd be forced to stay ANYWAY."  
"And I know that yooouuuu.. would accept me tooo.."

"Kisame! I'm reading! You're not gay, I'm not gay, so be quiet!"

Kisame was still ignoring Itachi. "If I told you today, hey guess what Itachi? I'm gay!"

Itachi rolled his eyes.

"But I'm not gay!"

"I'm not either!!" Itachi was getting incredibly frustrated with Kisame by this point. He was about to kill him, when he started singing again.

"I'm happy, just being with yooouuuu.."

"Number 53! Tie him up and tell him you love him!"

"So what should it matter to mee.."

"Kisammeee…stooppp…"

"What you do in bed with g-"

"KISAME! THAT'S WRONG!"

"Nu-uh!! If you wereeee gaayyyy.."

"I'm NOT LISTENING!"

"I'd shout HORRAY!"

"I'll go all sharringan on your ass!"

"And here I'd stayyyy"  
"I'm counting to three!"

"But I wouldn't get inn youurrr way"

"…ONE"

"You can count on meee, to always bee, beside you everyda-"

"TWO"

"It's okay! You were just born that way!"

"…Almost at three…"   
"It's in your DNA, you're gayyyyy!"

"Sasuke is! NOT ME!"

"But Itachiiiii… why can't you just accept this…What if you WERE gay then?"

Itachi glared at him. "I hate you so much right now."

Now, there were many things Itachi could have done in this situation. He could have killed Kisame, but then he'd have no partner. Drat. He could've inflicted pain worse then anyone could ever imagine. Nuh, that was getting old. He could make him listen to Brittany spears for hours on end. Nuh.. What about..

Kisame was blabbering away about 'gay pride' and crap like that.

Perfect. "Oi, Tobi, get here right now.."

And thus, Kisame was doomed to hours and hours of Tobi singing 'If you were gay.'

Itachi got to finish his book and Kisame never bothered him about being gay ever again.

**xxo**

A/N: o.o I love that song 'If you were gay' by Avenue-Q. Hope you enjoyed this! Please review!

Ehh.. I know it's kinda lame, but ohwelly. I was bored again o.o

For; xxNarutotardxx although, not really. But they always are, aren't they?

Yay for OOC Kisame XD


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